Oops
by Cypher
Summary: Sometimes oops doesn't cover it. Challenge response; slashfic.


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Oops

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By Cypher

"Oops? That's all you have to say? Oops?!"

Daniel simply shrugs his shoulders at Pete, struggling not to break into a smile. I can't blame him. If it weren't for the fact that Carter's boyfriend was pissed as hell, I'd be grinning right with him. "He's really sorry." It's the best aid I can give my lover at the moment. And it wasn't his fault, not really.

See, we found these artifacts on another planet, and they had him drooling, really drooling. Carter was just as excited. So, keeping my distance (like I want a repeat of what happened with that sphere thingy), we brought them back for study. Two days passed, they studied all of them, especially the biggest one, and nothing happened. Then Carter got the bright idea to pick the big one up and, don't ask me why she did this, she shook it. 

Now, she's laying in an isolation ward. Well, she's not really that anymore. Samantha Carter is now officially a Sam Carter. I'm not kidding. The breasts are gone, replaced with a dick. She's always complained she never felt like 'one of the guys.' I don't think that'll be a problem any more. 

And it's not like Pete and she--he can't get it on. Hell, Daniel and I could give them pointers. But Pete doesn't see it that way. He wants his Carter back, the female one. Hammond explained that we're doing everything we can to fix it, but it's hard to take this seriously. It doesn't help that Daniel keeps humming the theme from Ranma.

And as great as our relationship is, I really wish he hadn't introduced me to his closet cartoon--sorry, anime--collection. Why? Cause at the moment I'm having images of Pete dumping a kettle of hot water over Carter and her screaming as she returned to normal. As if my imagination wasn't strange enough.

So, three days have passed. Carter isn't allowed to leave base, but she--he, damn, that's hard to remember--is doing what he can to help uncover the secrets of the big artifact. Me? I'm staying as far away from that room as I can. I'm rather attached to my masculinity, thank you very much. I'd rather Daniel stay away from it too, but he's the best, and they need the best on this problem.

And then, just as I'm diving into my lunch pie, I get this message to go to the infirmary. I, of course, run like hell. The last time I was paged like that, Carter had turned into a guy. I just hope she's back to normal, and it's not Daniel that's now a woman. 

"Colonel." It's so weird hearing Carter call me that with a man's voice. "I'm afraid there's been an accident."

"Daniel?"

"He's fine."

"Still a he?" Carter gets this uncertain look, glancing nervously around, and my gut clenches. Jesus, Daniel as a girl. It just…I'll still love him, but that sort of an adjustment is not something I look forward too.

"Yes sir, he's a he." I start to relax, but then Carter continues talking. "But…he had this theory that one of the other artifacts might change a person back. So he started fiddling with another one that he thought had the opposite symbols of the one that changed me. Except he was wrong. It doesn't change a person's sex."

That gut clenching feeling comes back, and it's worse than before. "So what're you saying?" Carter opens his mouth and shuts it, like he's not quite sure how to put it, when something hard and sharp taps me lightly on the shoulder. I turn around, and jump back in complete surprise. 

It takes my mind a few minutes to register that there's a giant panda standing there, a giant panda that just tapped my shoulder with a claw, a giant panda…with striking blue eyes and a set of glasses. "Oh damn…" In response to my shocked look, the panda holds up a crude wooden sign with the word 'Oops' scrawled across it.

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I wake up with a start and take a number of deep breaths, the images in my mind still fresh and, to be honest, rather scary. Beside me, Daniel is sleeping quietly, his arm still around my waist. I narrow my eyes. This nightmare was his fault. All his fault. That week-old salsa had nothing to do with that dream. "Daniel…"

"Hmm?"

I take the pillow and whack him on the head a few times. "That's the last time I watch your stupid cartoons!"

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Author's Prattle: This could probably go in my "No Need for Daniel!" chapters, and it may, but I feel it's more along the lines of "Moonies." This was my first attempt at writing a thirty-minute challenge based on the FNF, so sorry if it's not so good. Humor isn't my strong point. But if you know Ranma…well, like "Moonie" it's funnier if you know the series. Boy, I'm just the anime theme guy, aren't I?

Alright, Disclaimers. I don't own Stargate SG-1, that belongs to SciFi, Viacom/ Gecko. I also don't own Ranma ½. That belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, and is a very funny series (slapstick, gender/species swapping, little hentai going around grabbing everyone's--well, I'll let you watch the series). 

So, that's it. Hope you enjoyed the attempt, and feedback is always appreciated.


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